How to reconnect with your spouse

Last week was a funk for my wife and I. We didn't get to see one another very much and when we did, we mostly talked about planning items and little specifics. We spoke little of feelings or experiences. What made it so weird were a few things:

• Jackson was diagnosed with Pneumonia on Monday (which is another completely different story about how bad I felt for not being thorough when completing a little physical exam on him on Sunday)
• Rachel got a sinus infection on Tuesday
• I had a test the following Monday, so I was super busy
• Jackson wouldn't take his naps, so Rachel was exhausted
• Jackson wouldn't eat his dinner, so we had no meaningful dinner conversations
• My wife and son were in the house all day...infecting our living quarters...so I didn't want to get too close to Rachel or Jackson, or be home very often...I think you get the point

After the week passed, we had a Sunday. I love Sundays. Jackson went down for a nap and Rachel and I talked. She simply asked me if something was bothering me. Aside from the lack of communication, sickness all over the house, and a test on Monday, I did have some personal things that were bothering me. I told her all of what I was feeling and then she told me how she was feeling.

Thesis

So what's my point? Communication is pretty much EVERYTHING in a marriage relationship-- ESPECIALLY when balancing very busy schedules and not seeing one another very often. Rachel told me of an article she read which outlined three levels of communication:

1. Superficial--schedules, weather, gas prices etc
2. Personal--interests, dreams, passions, beliefs, goals, fears, inadequacies
3. Validating--praise, complements, nurturing, listening then comforting

When we're so busy with life and don't have a lot of time with our spouse, it's easy to remain in the 1st tier of communication. But that is the pitfall of medical school/busy lives. We need to get into those deeper levels of communication, putting our emotions on the line, trusting and validating one another. The article states, "'A marraige that does not provide nurturance and restorative comfort can die of emotional malnutrition.'  Communication that validates is edifying, healing, nurturing, and complimentary." (Read the article to learn more on how to validate your spouse.)

Putting it into practice

For weekly planning this week, Rachel and I carved out 30 minutes in 3 nights this week where we are planning to engage in meaningful communication to talk about feelings, experiences of the day and making each other laugh (that comes naturally for me...those of you that know me are rolling their eyes). I look forward to this opportunity of getting to know my spouse on a deeper level and getting closer to her through the process.

Try it out, I'm sure you'll like it...and you're spouse will appreciate it, too.